Building Successful Relationships: Top Tips to Snag Your Next Love Connection

Greeting Ladies!

I was having a conversation with one of my male co-workers yesterday and we got on the subject of the characteristics of a successful woman. We began to list all the basics- well educated, great job, good credit and so on until we felt we had a pretty comprehensive list. I thought we did pretty good and I was confident that I encompassed at least 90% of the list.

It wasn't until a few hours later that he sent me a text saying the following:
"You know what's one of the most important characteristics? Ability to get and keep a fulfilling relationship with a man."

Wow.

That hadn't even occurred to me. After I gave it some thought, I decided it was a valid characteristic. Of course, we YBR women do not need a man to validate who we are, however, for the most part- participating in a fulfilling, lasting relationship is a goal of many young women. Sadly though, alot of us are not equipped to do just that. Check out some tips below that are sure to turn your relations with men from not so great to huge success!

1) Like yourself. IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, INTERESTING, AND WORTHY OF BEING DATED- then guess what? No man will either. It may seem simple enough, but this one tip truly plays a huge part in why some women never seem to have issues with getting and keeping relationships and other women do. On a sub-conscious level, men are attracted to women who are attracted to themselves! Like yourself- as a matter of fact- LOVE yourself and the men will come running!

2) Like men. Seems obvious doesn't it? Well, it actually isn't. How many times this week have you said "All men are dogs" or "There aren't any good men out there" or my personal favorite, "All the good ones are taken..or gay." If this is how you truly feel, then why are you looking for a relationship in the first place? This is the logic the universe sees also and is the reason why so many smart, successful black women are still single. Change your thoughts about men no matter what happened in your past. There are always opportunities for new beginnings.

3) Treat every man you meet as a unique human being. This has to be one of the most challenging tips for me, I must admit. There are times when I hear a story from a friend about what a man has done to her or even think back on my own past experiences with men and the anger starts to build up. It's at these times that I may not be as nice as I should be to the next man I encounter. This definitely is NOT the way to go. If you enter a relationship with a man (whether it be platonic or intimate) and are harboring feelings of resentment or ill will, it will eventually begin to manifest itself into your situation. Remember to treat men the way you would want to be treated.

4) Go where the men go. This is probably one of the most important tips. Although it is likely, it is not very probable that you will meet your future husband at the nail salon or the supermarket. Try stepping out of your comfort zone and going to different places- try sports bars, adult ed classes in real estate, finance, or car repair, bookstores (especially cafe bookstores, and ski trips. Get involved with volunteer work. Go fishing. Not only will you begin to expand your own horizons and develop new hobbies and interests, you may run into a new love interest.

These tips may seem too easy to work, but I assure you they do. Whatever you do, remember that you are Young, Black, and Rich and you deserve to be loved for who you are!

To Your Success,
Alecia D.

Top 10 Tips for Loving Yourself

There's always those days when we feel less than glamorous.. I'm sure you can relate. Check out this article featured on empressmag.com this week and start loving yourself today!

http://empressmag.com/articles/2008/11/23/top-ten-tips-for-loving-yourself/

Alecia D.

Are You Really Available (for a Relationship)?

Check out this article I found on the Relationship Insitute website.

One of the questions which often comes up in our relationship work involves how available people are for a healthy relationship. As someone at a recent workshop cried out, "No one today has time for a relationship!" Singles often have a difficult time plugging into a new dating partner’s busy lifestyle, and may see their dates as being essentially unavailable for creating a deep, intimate relationship. Couples in a committed relationship may complain that their partner is consumed and distracted by everything but their relationship: they may be around physically, but never seem to want to connect in any meaningful way. Indeed, in our crazy, driven, time-starved world, it often seems as if our adult relationships take the lowest priority.

There are various levels of availability for intimate connection. While physical availability is the most obvious one, being physically present is no guarantee of intimacy, as many married people will tell you. Being in the same house or room or even bed with someone else can still feel very lonely if the two people are not in sync and do not connect. Nonetheless, consistent physical availability is a necessary prerequisite for deeper levels of intimacy to occur...

Read the rest here!

The Beauty of Black Self-Love

How many times have you felt like you weren't up to par simply because you didn't get your eyebrows done over the weekend or were a week late on getting your edges touched up? How many times have you felt inadequate simply because your shoes weren't designer or your car wasn't considered "luxury". Most women can admit that feelings of insecurity do creep into their minds from time to time, but what's most important is how you choose to deal with your moments of weakness.



Self-image is such an important aspect in our lives. If we look good, we feel good. If we feel good, we do good. If we do good, good things come to us. It's a wonderful cycle as long as we are in high spirits, however, the moment we let our guard down and allow negative thoughts to cloud our minds is the moment when we can be thrown off course.



Since self-image and the way we view ourselves is so important to the way we present ourselves to the world and also how the world views us, it is mind boggling to me how much we equate our image- our worth, to our outward appearance. Am I better than you because my hair flows down my back? Are you better than me because you have higher cheekbones and a sleeker neckline? Is she better than us because her skin is the color of caramel?



I recently saw a picture of a black woman and it really struck a chord with me. I literally stopped doing what I was previously doing because her aura was so striking. She was average size, average height, and had average looks. I was only able to see her face, so her beauty had nothing to do with what she was wearing. There was just an internal glow about her that seemed to leap off the page and surround me. The moment I looked at the photo, I realized in a split section that what should truly be necessary to make someone feel beautiful and secure is not a killer shoe collection or the latest bag, but rather something a bit more intangible. Something that would actually mean something when your youth fades and your looks wither away. Something more along the lines of confidence.

Don't get me wrong, it is very important to care about how you look and to take pride in the physical image you are putting forth, however, it is even more important to build upon your inner strength. Material possessions are very fickle. One day you can have them and the next day you might not. It is for this reason that we should not get too consumed with pursuing these meaningless objects. Instead, we should make time for the people in life that make us happy, that situations and experiences that build our character, and the opportunities that help mold us into the strong women that we want to become.

Time to Show Yourself Some LOVE

Do you Love Yourself? Learn some tips to get on the path to self love and acceptance.

Check out this awesome article written by Courtney R. Franklin on Empressmag.com!

Alecia D.