YBR Reader Asks Alecia D...

Alecia,
I am a 30 something year old woman who is at her wits end. I have one divorce under my belt, no children, not where I want to be at my job/financially, and to top it all off I have been dating a married man for the past 3 years. I know that my situation is not right, but not sure where I should begin to get the ball rolling. Any advice?

Sincerely,
Reesa J.*
Jersey City, NJ
*Names have been changed.

Reesa,
Because I know you are already a grown woman who should definitely already see the error in her ways, I won’t waste time giving you the rundown of all the things wrong with this picture. With that said, I am very happy that you have decided to seek advice on how to get yourself out of this seemingly self-imposed rut.

First things first,as far as being dissatisfied with your job and finances, I can definitely understand your feelings. However, in today’s economy now is not the time to make any drastic changes. Instead, you should begin to outline your plan of action. What do you need to feel satisfied with your job and finances? Do you need to ask for a raise? Create a budget? Scale down your expenses? Consider a totally different field? Once you figure out what you want and how you can get there, begin to take the necessary baby steps to get there. Before long, you will find yourself at the finish line.

You should also definitely look into getting out of this dead end relationship with the married man. At 30+ you are probably looking to one day start a family and settle down, after 3 years of being a sidepiece, I’m sure you know this will not happen in your current situation. It’s time to cut ties with this man and look into healing the emotional wounds you have obviously been dealing with over the years. Confide with a good girlfriend, family member, and/or professional therapist. Whatever it takes, the first step is to realize your fabulousness and act accordingly! Schedule a mani/pedi and hair appointment and then make a date with yourself to meet one new guy a week (please check for a ring first!;)


-Alecia D.