I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about black relationships and the issues that black men and women have with each other. We were discussing how our preconceived notions about the other gender helps to foster animosity between black men and women whenever we are involved in a romantic relationship with each other. This got me thinking about the past relationships I've had that did not work out and the common themes that could be found in each one of them. While there are so many different reasons why relationships do not work, here are the top three that affect black couples.
Miscommunication
It's important that we try to thoroughly understand the point of view of our partner. Alot of arguments can be avoided if we clear up any inconsistencies in communication and avoid misunderstandings. Of course- easier said than done, but this should definitely be something that black couples are actively working on. Get in the habit of focusing 100% on what your partner is saying. Repeat the main points if you have to and always remain calm and keep your composure- even if you don't agree with what is being said.
Baggage
Don't bring your baggage into a new relationship. I know we've heard this plenty of times before- but it is very detrimental to a relationship. Whatever happened to you in the past, it's important for you to let it go and move on. No matter how hard you try, if you are still holding on to past hurts it will sub-consciously seep into your new relationship which can cause unnecessary friction. Make a pact with your partner to hash all disagreements out and then move on. If you decide that you will forgive, then you must do that. Don't damage the relationhsip by continuing to reopen old wounds.
Insecurity
Insecurity leads to mistrust. Mistrust leads to break up. So many times men and women project their own negative feelings onto their partner. We may make up bad situations in our head until they become so real to us. It's important not to jump to conclusions in any relationship. You should strive to work on any issues you have within yourself before connecting with someone else. No man wants to be in a relationship with a woman who is always accusing him of cheating on her, not loving her enough, or not spending enough time with her. Become comfortable in your own skin and it will be easier for you to be more comfortable in your relationship.
A Month of Reflection
3 weeks ago
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2 comments:
I agree, I think if we thought about those three things before getting into a relationship some of us would think twice before jumping in.
But here's the thing I feel you really don't know you have to work on these things until your with your guy. Miscommunication, Baggage and Insecurity is hard as hell to work through but it can be done.
Sometimes you don't even know you have brought baggage into your new relationship until your deep in it and the you realize your with Michael not Anthony..haha
You've been added.
Yeah, you are completely right on that.. but I guess it's important that once you realize you are bringing the baggage that you work on letting go. This is why it's so important to take some alone time in between relationships before jumping into another one. We need time to heal our wounds.
THanks for the add!
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